Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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