I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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