fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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