I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
