get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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