Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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