Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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