Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
