Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
