Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
