where's my purse there's an important taco in it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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