i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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