me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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