her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
