Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
