We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize