They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
