i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
