I heard we made out
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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