i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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