Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
