I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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