just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
there is another microwave in the elevator.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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