Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When are your genitals available?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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