Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
