Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
