how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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