Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
