is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
