I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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