there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
