I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
