Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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