Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize