woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This house was built for laser tag.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
