you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
