Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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