i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dick has a subreddit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
