he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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