I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
