how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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