I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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