i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
