He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize