oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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