His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
