I wish I could punch you in the face.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
