he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
two words...techno handjob
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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