I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
