Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
