with your own penis?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
