Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
