I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
