There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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