Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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