his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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