get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
