Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
