Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just invented taco cereal.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
