is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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