If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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