i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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