Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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