Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
