So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
