respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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