Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
smell my finger.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
