I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have feelings that need drinking.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
