I wish you could order shots online.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
