he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Randomize
