So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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