I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
