I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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