i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
