Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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