My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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