i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
