i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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