The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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