I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
