I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
